in. A friend recently got engaged to a guy she met on Tinder. I am in awe. For some, albeit few, these online portals Tinder, Bumble and Plenty of Fish etc seem to be the perfect system for finding love. For the rest of us, or at least the majority of people I have met, they are a kin to the Dark Net.
A web of lies, deceit, freaks and just plain creeps. In the 21 s t Century, we have to be open to modern types of dating. Especially as we get older and our circles get smaller.
2. pick apart their profile.
So why is it that anyone I meet feels so jaded about online dating? That the success stories are few and far between? I would be of a similar mind frame. Nothing beats that instant attraction to someone you meet in the flesh.
The great conversation, the cheeky smiles, the brush of skin as you find ways to touch each other. Nothing pervasive, just light connections. The excitement as you make each other laugh. To really touch. And so institutions like online dating emerged to fill that need.
To help helpless singletons meet each other in a quick and painless fashion. So when did it turn into a channel for abuse, disrespect, creepiness and just plain assholes? To be clear, this is not all one sided. What has been the most revealing experience of these dating apps is that the minute a woman expresses any kind of sexual preference or interest, her male counterpart jumps on it with a gusto.
Within minutes of speaking to one guy on POF I was being told his ex-girlfriend was selfish in bed. I countered with I think you need to take time to get to know each other. Silence was the response I received.
Another was very quickly site me half naked pictures, dick picks and videos. When he cancelled our coffee date at the last minute and tried to reschedule it for a drinking date, I was hesitant. When I then asked him to cut out the sexual references in our conversation, he agreed and what followed was silence.
Another guy started off by saying he was looking for something long term. With that quickly established, he asked me whether I was spontaneous. Meaning would I meet him at his hotel bar at 11 pm. Another started slowly, but within a few days, sex was introduced to the conversation and I soon found myself unwittingly being masturbated to on the phone.
The list goes on and on. Perhaps, the common factor in all of these situations is that I allowed a sexual thread to enter our conversations. Initially, when they were revealed to be creeps I was annoyed with myself for that. Consciously or not, what is being said is that if you are in anyway sexual you will be subjected to this type of treatment. Unfortunately the unnatural parameters of online dating does mean that you may dating to hold something back.
To avoid being abused you need to not be too open about yourself, which in many ways defeats the purpose of online dating. This constructed environment is supposed to be a chance for men and women to cut through the bullshit and meet their ideal match in a safe space. But it seems to be as more creep turned to technology to solve their relationship woes, it has provided an opportunity for the creepos to set up stall and worm their way into your feed. All that said and creeps aside, I believe a bigger conversation needs to be had.
How do we creep from a site where men still feel you, as a woman, have something they want to take? And women still feel that they need to protect their bodies and sexuality from unclear consent. I met a very nice guy at an dating recently.
We had great conversation, laughs and I was instantly attracted to him. At the end of the night, we kissed but I soon found his hand on my ass, which I was a little uncomfortable with but ignored. But when it moved to my breast, over my dress, but still a good feel of my breast, I felt extremely uncomfortable.
6 ways to avoid weirdos while online dating
Admittedly it all felt very juvenile but at the same time it felt like an unwanted invasion of my body. But I honestly felt as though I was just a vessel for him to get his kicks off and there was no real connection between us. Akin to these online matches. Perhaps as women we need to be more vocal.
Best dating sites for women in – avoid the creeps!
I know I do. We need to understand our boundaries, both real and virtual, and not accept what makes us uncomfortable. Otherwise, no one learns.
As for the online perverts, well society unfortunately will always have them. But as my recently engaged pal can testify, there are some gems out there. You just need to be willing to wade through it all to find them. A writer and podcast producer who thrives on empowering women, finding stories and uncovering voices that need to be heard.
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Ciara Gillan. in Get started. Get started Open in app. Is online dating simply where the creeps hide out? Online Dating Dating Sexuality Love. More from Ciara Gillan Follow. More From Medium. In the Deep End Together. Love a Drunk: The Loss of Touch. Emily Stroia. Helping the impossible victim of domestic abuse.
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